Project Ako New Generation 5: A Cygnan Christmas
by Atana
Summary: A killer asteroid hurtles toward Earth, threatening to spoil Captain's annual Christmas party. Can she handle the giant rock and can she handle it when her gala plans fall apart because Mari's daughter Little Rose pulls a nutty?


**About the "Project A-ko: The Next Generation" Fanfiction Series **

**by Atana **

**Project A-ko was a popular Japanese animation film series begun in 1986. It featured a rivalry between two schoolgirls – Eiko Magami (A-ko) and Biko Daitokuji (B-ko) over the friendship of a third student, Shiiko Kotobuki (C-ko). It was a parody of existing anime series of the day. For example, the super-strong A-ko is the daughter of Superman and Wonder Woman. B-ko is a mechanical genius who whips up huge mecha (enormous humanoid machines) overnight. C-ko turns out to be an alien princess.**

**The last half of the first movie parodied the Captain Harlock anime series. Piloting the alien craft sent to find C-ko is a female version of Harlock, one Captain Napolipolita (pronounced Nap-oh-lee-po-LEE-tah). Unfortunately, she is an alcoholic who surely would have come to a bad end had it not been for the support of Spy D, another Alpha Cygnan soldier who watches over her.**

**The series ending shows the Captain lying in an alley, her ship and self-confidence destroyed. I decided to sober her up, give her a billionaire husband (her former rival), and a family of amazon daughters. Originally appearing as a graphic novel, my stories include new characters as well as the old -- so dig in and spend some time in my wacky little Project A-Ko universe!**

**Thanks for visiting and happy reading!**

**PROJECT A-KO - THE NEXT GENERATION 5: **

**"Cygnans We have Heard on High" or "God Rest Ye Merry Aliens" **

**by Atana**

**--------**

_**Caption: "It's the Holidays, and what a good reason to see**_

_**old friends again."**_

_**Sitting around a restaurant table are A-Ko, B-Ko, Captain,**_

_**D, and Mari. **_

_**A-Ko hates B-Ko.**_

_**B-Ko hates A-Ko. **_

_**B-Ko hates Captain. **_

_**Captain hates Mari.**_

_**Mari hates Captain. **_

_**D likes everybody. **_

_**Ho ho ho.**_

**Ako: Isn't this fun, B-Ko?**

**Bko (to herself -- it IS Christmas): You still stink.**

**Captain (looking at Mari's outfit, thinking): Mari, honey,**

**did you fish that dress out of a Goodwill receptacle?**

**D (beaming): I'm SO happy to have made Mari and my Captain**

**FRIENDS again!**

**Mari (looking at Captain's little black dress, which shows**

**off her formidable figure to full advantage): She's always**

**falling out of her clothes. Tsk. Daitokuji sure got stuck**

**with THAT scarecrow.**

**----------**

_**The check has arrived, and Captain snatches it up.**_

**Cap: HERE -- LET ME GET THIS.**

**Bko: Throwing around my father's money again.**

**Ako: Shut up, B-Ko. She's just being nice.**

**D: My Captain is so generous!**

**Mari (hideously): Show-off. (Aloud) I CAN PAY FOR MY OWN**

**LUNCH, THANK YOU.**

_**Shot of Captain. She is not amused.**_

**Cap: FINE. ((Too bad you didn't choke on it...))**

**Mari: Wait a minute, let me finish before we leave.**

_**Shot of the women looking on in horror as massive Mari begins**_

_**flinging vast quantities of food into her mouth -- with**_

_**chopsticks, yet. Ears of corn, pork chops, whole apples,**_

_**and slices of bread fly through the air, narrowly missing D,**_

_**who is popeyed with awe.**_

**Cap: Just keep your hands and feet away from her mouth.**

**Bko: Ick.**

**Ako: If she finishes her lunch, I'll lose mine!**

**----------**

_**Shot of the exterior of the restaurant. D is running behind**_

_**Captain, who might as well have blue flames shooting out of**_

_**her ears.**_

**D: Captain -- I'm sorry Mari was so rude.**

**Cap (stomping away, her heels clacking loudly): IT'S OKAY**

**WITH ME, D ---- PAYING FOR ALL THE FOOD SHE SHOVED DOWN HER PIGGY GULLET WOULD HAVE TAPPED OUT THE ENTIRE DAITOKUJI FORTUNE ANYWAY.**

_**B-Ko and A-Ko watch from a distance.**_

**Bko: I think I'd better steer clear of her this afternoon.**

**Ako: If I were you, I'd move out.**

**D: (Sigh!) All my reconciliation work down the drain!**

**----------**

_**Caption: "And it's back to the mansion ---"**_

_**Shot of Captain racing down the front hallway, a baby under**_

_**each arm. Kazushi, Shiiko, and Mitsuko trail her in close**_

_**formation. Hikaru also tries to get her attention, but she**_

_**is too distracted.**_

**Kazushi: Mama! No suck thumb all day!**

**Shiiko: Mama! Daddy read us Christmas stories!**

**Mitsuko: Mama! Santy Claus is coming!**

**Hikaru: Uh, Aysha...baby...sweetie...dollface...(oh,**

**forget it).**

**Cap (still running): HAVE TO FEED THESE POOR BABIES AND**

**THEN GO INTO WORK FOR A WHILE AND THEN COME HOME TO PLAN THAT CHRISTMAS PARTY AND OH YEAH CHECK TO SEE IF THE GIRLS CLEANED UP THE BEDROOM ---**

**Babies (waving their arms, delighted): EEEEEEEEE!**

**----------**

_**Caption; "And later...(whew!)..."**_

_**Captain is now in her uniform. Hikaru has her around the**_

_**neck in a bear hug. Shiiko is trying to get her mother's**_

_**attention, as is everyone else, to no avail.**_

**Cap (looking at her hand): Snapped a nail right OFF.**

**OW.**

**Hikaru: (Let me kiss it and make it all better...!)**

**Shiiko: MAMA! MAMA!**

**Mitsuko (dancing and singing): SANTY CLAUS, SANTY CLAUS, OH**

**HOW I LOVE SANTY CLAUS...**

**Kazushi (whose thumb is in her mouth): Ooops. Forgot.**

**--------**

_**Shot of Captain galloping up the stairs, the twins now**_

_**safely esconced in a backpack.**_

**Cap: Got to check the girls' room see ya sweetie**

**Babies (waving their arms): EEEEEEEE!**

_**Hikaru, dejected, sits in his chair with his chin on his**_

_**hand.**_

**Hikaru: Coal in HER Christmas stocking.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Captain entering the girls' room. It is completely**_

_**trashed. She shrieks and grabs her hair with both hands.**_

_**The babies look around in alarm. Atina, Akana, and Arisa**_

_**scatter, screaming.**_

**Captain: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAARRGGGGHHHHH YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME!**

**Akana (figuring it out first): Oh no! We forgot to clean**

**the room!**

_**Their mother, an awe-inspiring six-foot figure in jackboots,**_

_**a military uniform, and babies hanging onto her, begins her**_

_**lecture.**_

**Cap (all in one breath): WHAT A MESS IN HERE! GREAT**

**MOTHER! There's a LOT to do for the Holidays and you**

**AREN'T helping matters by lying around like COWS letting the**

**servants clean up the piles of wreckage you leave you**

**wouldn't be able to get away with that on a military ship,**

**believe you ME, and AND, MISS ARISA, if I could beg a moment**

**of your precious time even though you hardly show your face**

**around here any more you're always out with that boyfriend**

**of yours not that I have anything against Earth men you**

**understand but REALLY sweetie I'm so tired with running this**

**house and the military defenses of this pitiful chunk of**

**intergalactic rock I could drop right here on the floor but**

**of course I'd have to look for half an hour to find a space**

**not covered by dirty clothes and soda cans and AKANA, missy,**

**there's a pulse rifle AND CARTRIDGES in here and all I need**

**is for one of the little ones to load up and blow herself**

**into the next galaxy and you KNOW how that bothers me ARISA**

**don't give me that look or you're really going to GET IT by**

**the way when I was YOUR age I was a fighter pilot on an**

**Egota starship and ...**

**Akana (hands over her ears, grimacing): YIKES! It's hard**

**enough to get into the holiday mood with Ms. Military-**

**Industrial going ballistic over there! **

**Mitsuko (tickling the babies): Coocha coocha.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "A pall falls over the bedroom of the Napolipolita-**_

_**Daitokuji girls (well, one of a whole lot of bedrooms,**_

_**anyway)..."**_

**Atina: Ma's all cranked up about her annual Christmas party**

**for the kids, and Dad's become obsessed with his new hobby,**

**astronomy.**

**Arisa: I don't understand these Earthlings. Why look at**

**the stars when you can cruise them?**

**Akana (grinning): Dad's chicken. I think Ma's piloting**

**skills did him in a long time ago.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Hikaru, smiling broadly and wearing his fur-trimmed**_

_**smoking jacket. Captain is jouncing baby Azia up and down,**_

_**playing nosie with her.**_

**Hikaru: Ayshalita -- come out and see my new telescope...**

**----------**

_**Shot of the mansion acreage. The mountains are in the**_

_**background. In the foreground, right next to the former**_

_**Egota's Temple of Cybele, stands a massive round radio**_

_**telescope. It dwarfs even the Temple in size. Captain is**_

_**flabbergasted, but to spare Hikaru's feelings, says nothing.**_

**Hikaru (proudly, his arm around her): This part is the**

**steerable antenna. It's bigger and more expensive than**

**anything they have at Palomar, Goldstone Mojave, or Kitt**

**Peak! Of course, the landscaping isn't completed...**

**Cap (silent): Dear Great Mother. It looks like a miniature**

**golf course out here.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "The family prepares for the Holidays, each in his**_

_**or her own way..."**_

_**Shot of Captain, lying on her back lifting weights. A burly**_

_**young man stands over her. She is clearly miserable.**_

**Jock (officiously holding a clipboard): The advantage of**

**having a personal trainer, Mrs. Daitokuji, is that you can**

**shape up on your own schedule. Come on, push it, push**

**it...no more baby weight by New Year's Eve!**

**Cap (to herself): Cardiac arrest by New Year's Eve. (Looks**

**down at her middle-aged bod in a leotard) Sigh. WHO am I**

**KIDDING...?**

**----------**

_**Akana stands with hands facing outward in front of her,**_

_**praying in front of a lit candle. She murmurs in Cygnan.**_

**Akana: Please Great Mother let me get an AK-10 pulse rifle**

**with a repeat-action rocket launcher for Christmas please please please**

**----------**

_**Shot of Arisa, Atina, and little Kazushi in the dress shop**_

_**depicted in "Cinderella Rhapsody". The clerk with the**_

_**geometric haircut is having a wonderful time waiting on**_

_**these rich teenagers.**_

**Saleslady: The Earth "Swinging Sixties" look is very**

**popular this year...that outfit is REALLY cute...(( I LOVE**

**THESE GIRLS! ))**

**Arisa (wearing a mini-outfit and boots) I'll take it.. and**

**those other ones too...(pointing to a huge pile).**

**Atina (wearing a black leather mini with black tights and**

**white go-go boots): I LOVE them! I love them ALL!**

**Kazushi (sucking her thumb): Love them all.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Hikaru on the phone, shouting in his imperious way**_

_**at whatever poor soul is on the other end of the line.**_

**Hikaru: Can you get me the Astronomy Department at MIT? No,**

**not to TALK to, you idiot! To BUY!**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Two old friends meet for lunch and the topic**_

_**is..."**_

**Cap (sitting at a restaurant table): MARI? I still want**

**to smack her in the head.**

**D: Captain...she really isn't such bad sort. I love you**

**both... won't you try to mend fences with her?**

**Cap (waving a clenched fist): Only for you, D. But I swear**

**on the Great Mother that if she ticks me off, I'll punch her**

**out.**

**D (eyeing Captain's fistful of giant rings): GREAT. ((Are**

**those diamonds or brass knuckles..?))**

**----------**

_**D and Hideo visit Mari and make the same pitch.**_

**Mari: I CAN'T STAND THAT ALIEN BABY-MACHINE HEAD**

**CASE!**

**D: Aw, come on, Mari. She had a hard life for a long time.**

**Give her a chance, and if she calls, don't growl at her...**

**Hideo: Won't kill you, Mari.**

**Mari: Well -- okay. Only for you, D...**

**--------**

_**Shot of Captain at the mansion, sitting in a chair and**_

_**talking on the phone.**_

**Cap: Mari? Aysheia. Listen, we're having a Christmas**

**party for the children next Friday. Yes, over here at seven**

**o'clock. I plan to be there and let me assure YOU that**

**everyone will have a wonderful time...no time travel, no 911**

**calls...and of COURSE my girls would be CRUSHED if Little**

**Rose wasn't there...**

**Atina, Arisa, and Akana, betrayed, scream loudly.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Meanwhile, Hikaru Daitokuji continues his**_

_**stargazing..."**_

_**Shot of Hikaru at his massive telescope, punching up data on**_

_**his computer.**_

**Hikaru: Aysha. Take a look at this.**

**Cap (looks at the monitor) Is it anything interesting?**

**Hikaru: I don't understand why this particular point of**

**light is so much bigger than it was last night...**

_**Captain is already running out the door.**_

**----------**

_**Caption: "At Earth Defense Force Headquarters..."**_

_**Captain, Yashida, and his girlfriend, all in casual clothes,**_

_**listen to a technician who is viewing a screen.**_

**Tech: Terrible news, Ma'am. This asteroid is a big one and**

**it'll hit us dead center!**

**Cap: Hope they don't name it after Hikaru.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "And the world reacts with shock.."**_

_**Shot of newspapers containing headlines such as "Asteroid**_

_**Heading toward Earth -- Collision Possible"; "Artist's conception"; "Millions flee area to take refuge in hills"; and "Looting, fires reported as world reacts to Armageddon..."**_

**----------**

_**Caption: "Meanwhile, at Earth Defense Force Headquarters**_

_**again.."**_

_**Commander Yashida is obviously trying to butter up Captain.**_

**Yashida: Our scientists tell me that Earth nukes will**

**probably shatter it. We need a clean hit, and the best**

**weapon is the Cygnan beam cannon...**

**Cap (grimacing): Uh, oh. Here it comes.**

**Yashida: You're the only one cockpit-qualified to take up a**

**Cygnan fighter. I want YOU to be the one to push the**

**button.**

**Cap (to herself): And a merry Christmas to you, too, Honey**

**Bunch.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Hikaru, shrieking.**_

**Hikaru: THEY WANT YOU TO DO WHAT?**

**Cap (rolling her eyes): Why do Earth men get so hysterical?**

**Hikaru (out of his mind): THAT WOMAN IS CERTIFIABLE !**

_**While Hikaru continues to rant, Captain stands, flexing her**_

_**biceps. Kazushi gazes at her in wonder.**_

**Cap: I'll do it...because I'm a SOLDIER --- that means they**

**pay me to put my life on the line --- to stretch the outer**

**edge of the envelope --- to _BOLDLY GO WHERE NO ONE HAS GONE BEFORE..._**

**Atina: Oh no..Ma's in her Cygnan warrior mode. Something is**

**SERIOUSLY wrong...**

**Arisa: I just heard her tell Dad that she's going to take**

**out the asteroid with a Heraklion 16 fighter.**

**Akana (grinning devilishly): Does this mean she's canceling**

**that stupid Christmas party?**

**----------**

**Hikaru (grabbing Captain desperately): DON'T LEAVE**

**ME...(with all these KIDS!)**

**Cap: Hikaru. Get a grip.**

**The girls are looking on.**

**B-ko: Am I missing something?**

**Arisa: Ma's going to destroy the asteroid.**

**Akana: She can borrow my pulse rifle..**

**Mitsuko: Daddy's funny...**

**----------**

_**Hikaru has gone off to worry. Captain is making**_

_**preparations for her mission.**_

**Cap: Okay. Hmm. Total war. Hmm. Get psyched. (My ma would**

**be proud of me...)**

_**Shot of her going through some boxes. Shiiko and Mitsuko**_

_**are "helping".**_

**Cap: Let's dig out my lucky Cygnan uniform! (Finds the**

**top) Yikes! It's more motheaten than I am! (How can**

**moths eat a steel-plated bustier...?) And let's face**

**facts, lady...you couldn't fit into this garb anyhow.**

**Shiiko (giggling, pointing at the bustier): Bra hee hee**

**Mitsuko (giggling): Hee hee**

**----------**

_**Shot of Captain wearing a headset.**_

**Cap: According to my calculations, one beam cannon won't**

**cut it. Hope Alia is within com distance...**

**--------**

_**Shot of the bridge of the Commander's Egota. Alia is sitting**_

_**in her chair, looking remarkably like her mother did in days**_

_**of yore.**_

**Wanaky Koteridis: Commander...your mother is on the com.**

**Alia: Put her on the monitor.**

**Cap: Hi sweetie. I could use some help.**

**Alia: Sure, Ma. Love your hair.**

**----------**

_**Shot of a tearful farewell scene. Captain is kneeling on the**_

_**floor; her girls surround her, sobbing. Even the twins have set up a howl. Hikaru is standing off in a corner.**_

**Cap: See you soon, sweet babies.**

**Hikaru tries to pull her back.**

**Cap: Let me go before I lose my nerve.**

**----------**

_**Shot of an announcer with a "SPECIAL BULLETIN" logo on a TV**_

_**screen. On the screen we see Commander Yashida speaking from**_

_**a podium. Behind him stands Captain and some other**_

_**officers.**_

**Announcer: This is Mendo Takahashi with a special report**

**from DNA News Japan. Earth Defense Force Commander Lawrence**

**Yashida has just announced at an emergency press conference**

**that the EDF has devised a plan to meet the asteroid head-**

**on. Alpha Cygnan beam cannons will be used to vaporize the**

**two-mile-long rock. Central Astro Agency Director-General**

**Aysheia Napolipolita-Daitokuji (gasp) will pilot a Cygnan**

**Heraklion ...**

**----------**

_**Shot of the girls in their bedroom, looking out the window**_

_**at the night sky.**_

**Arisa: Ma.**

**----------**

_**Shot of the Heraklion in space.**_

**Cap: Here goes nothing.**

**----------**

_**Shot of the Heraklion within visual range of the asteroid,**_

_**which is streaking toward planet Earth.**_

**Cygnan tech (from the Egota): Stand by. Tracking**

**trajectory.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Captain close-up. The asteroid is reflected in her**_

_**shades.**_

**----------**

_**Shot of the Egota bridge.**_

**Alia: Do it.**

**----------**

_**Shot of space. The Heraklion and Egota both trigger their**_

_**beam cannon blasts on the asteroid, vaporizing it.**_

_**((ZZZZZZZZZZT))**_

**----------**

_**Shot of the Graviton City night sky. Everyone is watching**_

_**the explosion, including Ayumi-Shirasaka Sensei.**_

**Watcher #1: Fantastic!**

**Watcher #2: We're saved!**

**Watcher #3: This even beats reading Arthur C. Clarke!**

**Cap (over com): Thanks, sweetie. Love you.**

**Alia (over com): No problem, Ma. We love vaporizing**

**things. Let's go home, girls.**

**Ayumi (puzzled): Now, I know for a FACT that today isn't a**

**festival...**

**Cap: Ah. I love it so.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Santa in his sleigh, led by reindeer. A flange**_

_**projecting from the Heraklion bumps into the stacks of**_

_**presents loaded in the back.**_

**Santa: WATCH IT YOU CRAZY BROAD!**

**Cap: SAME TO YOU FATSO!**

**----------**

_**Shot of the Napolipolita-Daitokuji family watching the**_

_**landing. They see the full moon and something else in the**_

_**sky.**_

**Akana: Ma almost creamed Santa! COOL!**

**Mitsuko (in distress): DADDY! MAMA'S KILLING SANTY CLAUS**

**----------**

_**Captain strides into the EDF hangar, where hundreds of**_

_**cheering people are waiting. There is media up the kazoo.**_

_**She throws a liplock on Hikaru. Immediately, Mitsuko and**_

_**Shiiko go crazy.**_

**Girls: THEY'RE KISSING! HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA**

_**They move toward the podium which has been set up for her.**_

_**If anyone loves the microphone more than Captain, it's**_

_**Hikaru. Of course, he wants to be in view of the cameras**_

_**and the international press coverage..as a consequence, if**_

_**he was standing any closer to Captain, he'd be behind her.**_

**Cap (addressing the crowd): THANK you, THANK you. The**

**Central Astro Agency and Earth Defense Force did an**

**outstanding job but we should acknowledge the vital**

**contributions made by Commander Alia Napolipolita of the**

**Lepton Kingdom of Alpha Cygni (who is my baby girl)...**

**----------**

_**Caption: "At the War College, where Alana prepares to go**_

_**home for the holidays..."**_

_**Alana, wearing a Cygnan jumpsuit and black boots with spike**_

_**heels, is watching the news coverage of her mother's**_

_**success. Behind her, sitting on the couch, is Seiji Satoru,**_

_**one of her classmates. He is, to quote the poet, "hunkalicious"...**_

**TV Announcer: People of Earth breathed a collective sigh of**

**relief when Sigma 218, the near-Earth asteroid which menaced**

**the planet, was vaporized tonight by CAA Director-General**

**Aysheia Napoloti --er, Neopolati---er, Naipolita--- uh,**

**Nekolyta--- uhhhh Nepolituh---ah, Notoleeka---- Oh hell.**

**Daitokuji.**

**Seiji (obviously in the throes of love): Alana -- is that**

**really your mother? You know, maybe I could meet her over**

**the holidays to express my appreciation and as long as I'm**

**over there, maybe you and I could go out...and by the way,**

**do you have any plans for New Year's Eve? I know this club in Graviton City with the best band you ever heard and maybe we could dance and have a great time together...**

**Alana (to herself): Shut up, get over here, and kiss me,**

**you HUNK.**

**(aloud) Well, Seiji -- my Ma had to postpone her annual**

**Christmas party because she and my sister were busy saving**

**the world -- it's kind of like a kids' party but the adults**

**dress up and hang out. Why don't you drop by tomorrow**

**night...you know where the mansion is, right?**

**(To herself) Great Mother, he's SO cute...**

**Seiji: I'll be there. Everybody in Japan knows where the**

**mansion is.**

**(To himself) God, she's SO cute...**

**----------**

_**Caption: "The party night arrives..."**_

_**Hikaru is straightening the bow tie on his tuxedo in front**_

_**of a mirror (another one of Hikaru's favorite places!).**_

_**Captain stands behind him, putting on a pair of massive**_

_**diamond earrings. Alana, who is beautifully dressed and has**_

_**a mistletoe wreath around her head, enters their dressing**_

_**room.**_

**Alana: Ma. I invited this really cute guy from my school**

**named Seiji Satoru and I'd appreciate it if you wouldn't do anything weird like get in a fistfight or anything. Can I borrow your ten-carat**

**diamond solitaires?**

**Cap: I'll try real hard not to embarrass you, Alana. No.**

**Alana (behind them): RATS! Now I'll have to wear those**

**cheapo five-carat ones!**

**----------**

_**Hikaru and Aysha go down the hall to the party.**_

**Hikaru: Ayshalita...I hope you don't mind but I invited a**

**few more people to meet my girl.**

**Cap: Oh, who?**

**Hikaru: Uh, let's see...the President of the United States,**

**the Secretary-General of the United Nations, the...**

**Cap: Oh Great Mother, Hikaru. All I want is a bubble bath,**

**a two-pound bag of peanut M&Ms, and a week-long nap...**

**Hikaru: But you're an international heroine!**

**Cap: What did your ancient Romans say..."All glory is**

**fleeting..."**

**----------**

_**Caption: "The grown-up party is going well..."**_

_**Shot of the mansion's ballroom. Hikaru and Captain are**_

_**working the room, greeting their guests. A Christmas tree stands in one corner.**_

**----------**

_**Caption: "The kids' party, with Arisa, Atina, and Akana as**_

_**babysitters (always a mistake), is another story...!"**_

_**The playroom is full of kids. Arisa is desperately trying**_

_**to hang onto Little Rose, whose arms and legs are awhirl.**_

_**Pennywise the Clown (from Stephen King's It) has gotten in**_

_**between some of the children and "Santa" N.B. The**_

_**Daitokujis didn't mean to hire Pennywise. They just called**_

_**the Actors Guild and that's who they sent... Atina is on**_

_**her hands and knees, with Princess Asamalita on her back.**_

_**Akana is holding the twins. Shiiko, Mitsuko, and Kazushi**_

_**are huddled in a corner, shellshocked.**_

**Rose: I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE YOU I HATE HATE HATE HATE YOU YOU CRAZY ALIEN WACKO...**

**Arisa: The feeling is mutual, you Spawn of the Devil!**

**Santa: Ho Ho Ho Kiddies..come get your gifts...**

**Pennywise (menacing): HIYA KEI ---**

**Kei, Jr. is clinging to his sister Asami, screaming in fear.**

**Kei, Jr.: MOMMMMMIEEEEEEEEE!**

**Asamalita (astride Atina): GEEYAP HORSIE GO GO GO GO...**

**Atina (to herself): If you weren't my Princess I'd buck you**

**right through the window..**

**Akana (livid, holding the sleeping babies): AND WHAT DOES**

**AKANA GET FOR CHRISTMAS? MORE EARTH BRATS !**

**Shiiko, Mitsuko, and Kazushi all have their thumbs in their**

**mouths.**

**Shiiko: I know that this is a baby trick, but I can't help**

**it.**

**Mitsuko: Too bad there's a lock on the phone..**

**----------**

_**Caption: "After 'Little Rose' escapes her alien captors, she**_

_**pays a visit to Akana's room."**_

**Little Rose is busy going through Akana's dresser drawers.**

**She pulls out underwear by the handful and flings it across**

**the room. Finally, something catches her eye.**

**Rose: Ahhhhhh...something I can use!**

**----------**

_**Shot of the ballroom, full of elegantly-dressed people.**_

**Mari (worried): I wonder how my little darling is getting**

**along.**

**Yuji: Don't fret, Mari. I'm sure she's fine.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Suddenly ..."**_

**Rose: EEEEEEEEEEEYAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!**

_**Rose dashes through the ballroom, knocking people flying,**_

_**packing a pulse rifle. To everyone's astonishment, she**_

_**shoulders the weapon and looks through the sights.**_

**Rose: TAKE ME HOME OR SOMEBODY GETS IT!**

**Akana (from the crowd): Hey. That's mine.**

**----------**

_**Mari rushes forward.**_

**Mari: Give the nasty old gun to Mummy, Precious.**

**Rose: Well...okay.**

_**Mari takes the weapon, then whirls around and picks Captain**_

_**out of the crowd.**_

**Mari: NOW WHO WAS IT WHO LEFT A DANGEROUS WEAPON OUT FOR LITTLE HANDS TO PICK UP --- WHO COULD BE SO STUPID -------**

_**She approaches Captain ominously, flexing her pecs and biceps. The seams on her dress (decorated with a hideous daisy print) are already beginning to pop.**_

**Mari: NAPOLIPOLITA ! YOU ARE A CERTIFIABLE LUNATIC AND YOUR WORTHLESS DAUGHTERS ARE CRIMINALLY NEGLIGENT!**

**Cap (to herself): oh no.**

_**Captain begins to get steamed. Hikaru sees what's coming**_

_**and puts his arm around her, even though he knows it is the**_

_**functional equivalent of trying to stop a nuclear detonation after the chain reaction has started.**_

**Cap (livid, baring teeth): AT LEAST MY DAUGHTERS DON'T LOOK LIKE FULLBACKS! GET OUT OF MY HOUSE, YOU BEACHED WHALE!**

**Mari (beyond furious): THIS ISN'T EVEN YOUR HOUSE,**

**GOLDDIGGER! DAITOKUJI PICKED YOU OUT OF THE TRASH HEAP!**

**Hikaru (miffed): I did not.**

_**Captain barrels over to Mari and gets right in her face.**_

**Cap (courting death): TELL ME, MARI-CHAN...DO YOU SHAVE**

**YOUR FACE AS WELL AS YOUR LEGS?**

**Hikaru: My God, Aysha.**

**Mari: ALL RIGHT! YOU'RE MINCEMEAT !**

**----------**

_**Shot of Mari knocking Captain across the room.**_

**((BAM!))**

**Cap (still in flight): HEY -- THIS IS MY PARTY, YOU COW!**

**Man Guest: Imagine...beating up the person who saved the**

**world.**

**Woman Guest: Well, I don't think that's very nice.**

**Seiji: Hey Alana...isn't that your mom?**

**Alana (watching her worst dream coming true): No.**

_**Captain gets to her feet and delivers a side snap-kick,**_

_**connecting with Mari's large posterior.**_

**Cap: I'm SICK of this! Cut the crap, Mari!**

**Mari: Oof!**

_**Mari punches Captain in the jaw; she is propelled backward.**_

**Cap: THIS is EMBARRASSING!**

**----------**

_**Hikaru has picked her up off the floor and tries to press**_

_**her face in the crook of his neck and shoulder, hoping that**_

_**it will eliminate eye contact between the two combatants.**_

_**Mari stands next to Yuji, flexing her fingers. Alana and**_

_**Seiji are in the background.**_

_**Hikaru is desperate to stop the fight -- a public display of**_

_**rowdiness by his amazon wife is bad for the price of his**_

_**company's stock!**_

**Hikaru (baring HIS teeth): HOW'D YOU LIKE A RAP SHEET,**

**MARI?**

**Cap: Why is my life like a three-ring circus?**

**Alana: I lied...that IS my mother.**

**Seiji: I think she's cool...just like her daughter.**

**Mari (disgustedly): AW, YOU WOOSIE !**

**Yuji: I'm making an appointment with that therapist...do**

**you realize you started a brawl in front of the PRESIDENT OF**

**THE UNITED STATES? HONESTLY, Mari...!**

**Cap (returning Hikaru's rather tight hug and trying to**

**smooth things over): HA HA HA HA HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO HO It's all right everyone...enjoy yourselves...HA HA**

**HA**

**Hikaru: Why is my life like a three-ring circus?**

_**The guests, puzzled, press forward.**_

**Ako: This is like a zoo break!**

**Kei: Hmm?**

**Seiji (hugging Alana, who is wearing that mistletoe**

**wreath!): Did you know that when Earth girls wear mistletoe**

**they want a kiss?**

**Alana (to herself): Absolutely.**

**B-ko (looking at Seiji and Alana): Damn. Struck out again.**

**D (feeling guilty): I would have defended my Captain!**

**Kazushi (resigned; sucking her thumb): Ma!**

**Akana (livid): Little witch scratched my lovely pulse**

**rifle!**

**----------**

_**Seiji introduces himself.**_

**Seiji: Mrs. Daitokuji -- I'm Seiji Satoru. Let me thank**

**you again for taking out that asteroid. And may I compliment you on your beautiful daughters?**

**Alana (to herself): Ooh!**

**Cap (holding the twins, thinking): What a delightful young**

**man!**

**Akana (also to herself): Hmmm...if he goes to the War**

**College he knows how to use pulse rifles...**

**Arisa (also to herself): He's adorable, but not as adorable**

**as Akira.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Maybe it's the holiday season that allows order to**_

_**spring from chaos..."**_

_**Shot of the mansion living room, which is dominated by a**_

_**huge decorated Christmas tree. The older daughters are necking with their boyfriends. The younger ones are opening presents. Captain sits in Hikaru's lap, swinging her legs and doing the alien equivalent of a Mona Lisa smile.**_

**Hikaru: If this family gets any bigger, I'll have to build**

**a domed stadium.**

**B-ko (tired of having her holidays interrupted by this**

**unruly pack of aliens): You Cygnans really ARE disgusting.**

**Is that all you think about?**

**Atina (smiling): Are we a little jealous, B-Ko-San?**

**Akira: Merry Christmas, Arisa...**

_**((Smooch!))**_

**Seiji (still harping about this mistletoe thing): You**

**understand that this is an Earth tradition...like, I HAVE**

**to...**

**Alana: Fine.**

_**((Smooch!))**_

**Cap (to Hikaru): Kissy Kissy...**

**Hikaru: (Sigh...like mother, like daughters...)**

_**((Smooch!))**_

_**Shiiko and Mitsuko are dressed in their holiday velvet**_

_**outfits, and since everyone is kissing, they are hysterical.**_

_**Kazushi is unwrapping presents; her eyes are huge and her**_

_**arms are a blur.**_

**Shiiko: HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE**

**Mitsuko: HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE HEE ALANA'S KISSING A BOY HEE HEE HEE HEE**

**Kazushi (to herself): I can't get this paper off fast**

**enough...!**

_**Hikaru watches as Captain unwraps her gift, which is in a**_

_**small box.**_

**Cap (goggle-eyed): HIKARU-SAMA! THIS ISN'T THE HOPE**

**DIAMOND, IS IT---?**

**Hikaru (smiling broadly): Sure it is...the Smithsonian said**

**it was PRICELESS, and I told THEM that EVERYTHING has a**

**PRICE...**

**B-ko (ignoring her stepmother's delight and focusing on**

**Seiji): I'M REALLY SICK OF BEING PASSED OVER ! I let Kei**

**slip through my fingers (which wasn't a bad thing since he**

**turned out to be a bit of a dweeb...) NEVER AGAIN. That**

**Seiji sure is hot. Hmmmmmm.**

_**Akana has unwrapped her gift. She swings it to her shoulder.**_

**Akana: An AK-10 with a rocket launcher! COOL!**

_**B-Ko sidles up to Seiji, determined to rain on Alana's**_

_**parade.**_

**B-ko (in her witchiest tone): Hello, Seiji. Welcome to my**

**father's house.**

**Seijio (to himself): I didn't realize Alana was adopted.**

**Cap: Alana is SO happy. She just LOVES offensive weapons.**

**This is SO beautiful. I can't believe it's really mine.**

**Hikaru (to himself): And I used to think B-Ko was weird for**

**building mechas!**

**(To Captain, still esconced on his lap): Glad you like your**

**little bauble, Ayshalita. You'll have to get a new dress**

**designed to show it off. The Daitokuji Diamond can make its**

**debut at the New Year's Party at my hotel.**

_**Shot of Alana, doing a slow burn and gritting her teeth.**_

**Alana: YOU DIE, B-KO !**

**----------**

_**Caption: "B-Ko ought to know better than to anger a**_

_**Cygnan...but she doesn't!"**_

_**It is New Year's Eve, and the women are getting ready for**_

_**the party at the Daitokuji Gorgeous Hotel. Captain is in a**_

_**white gown with a floor-length cape with mink trim. She is**_

_**eyeing B-Ko and Alana with misgivings. The hairdresser,**_

_**manicurist, and seamstress are busy working on all of them**_

_**in the mansion's dressing room.**_

**Alana (to herself):**

**KEEPYOURHANDSOFFKEEPYOURHANDSOFFKEEPYOURHANDSOFF**

**B-ko (to herself):**

**HE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINEHE'SMINE**

**Cap: I have a very bad feeling about this.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "The Daitokujis travel to the gala event..."**_

_**Shot of the stretch limo on the road.**_

**Cap: Hikaru-Sama? Do we REALLY need six armed guards in**

**here? It's CROWDED.**

**Alana (thinking): DIE B-KO DIE B-KO DIE B-KO DIE B-KO DIE B-**

**KO DIE B-KO**

**Hikaru: We don't need you and that rock you're wearing**

**kidnapped.**

**B-ko (thinking): DIE ALANA DIE ALANA DIE ALANA DIE ALANA DIE ALANA**

**----------**

**Captain swirls into the ballroom of her hotel in her very**

**best Alien Rich-Bitch style. The entire crowd turns to look**

**at her.**

**Guest #1: Incredible!**

**Guest #2: That's magnificent!**

**Guest #3: Priceless!**

**Guest #4: Awesome!**

**Guest #5: How does that androgynous airhead rate a present**

**like THAT?**

**Guest #6: Daitokuji must like 'em big and strong.**

**Cap: Ulp.**

_**Hikaru and B-Ko come down the marble steps. Hikaru joins**_

_**Captain and waves to his guests.**_

_**B-Ko's eyes search out Seiji and Alana.**_

**B-ko: Ah. There he is. Might as well not waste any more**

**time.**

**She tugs at her party dress and reveals her AKAGIYAMA 23**

**POWER BIOSUIT!**

**B-ko: SEIJI SATORU! I CLAIM YOU FOR MY OWN!**

**Seiji (puzzled by this apparition): Excuse me?**

**Alana (loudly): B-KO...IF I HAD THUNDER-THIGHS LIKE YOURS,**

**I WOULDN'T WEAR AN OUTFIT LIKE THAT ON A BET...**

**Guest #4: Oh Gawd!**

**Guest #2: Har! Har!**

**Bko (on her high horse): Alana. What makes you think that**

**a hunk like Seiji would be interested in a horsey alien**

**amazon like YOU?**

**Alana: Because I'm one heck of a nice gal and a great**

**kisser...and I'm a LOT prettier than YOU!**

**Bko (spraying her shots wide and free, here...): WELL, YOU**

**SURE DIDN'T GET YOUR LOOKS FROM YOUR MOM, DID YOU?**

**Hikaru (shocked): You show some respect, B-Ko!**

**Cap (coming up on her from behind, trying desperately not to**

**throttle her): OKAY, THAT'S IT!**

_**Captain doesn't have to worry about throttling her**_

_**stepdaughter, because Alana has had a dose of it. She grabs**_

_**B-Ko, biosuit and all, and holds her with one hand about**_

_**four feet off the ground.**_

**Alana: LISTEN, YOU STUPID EARTH TWIT -- SEIJI WOULD RATHER KISS A PIG THAN YOU! AND NEVER, EVER TALK BAD ABOUT THE MA !**

**Bko: ECCCHHHHH!**

**----------**

_**Alana lets fly with a Cygnan twist punch.**_

_**((BOOM!))**_

_**Suddenly, B-Ko is flying through space...and not through the**_

_**use of her power biosuit, either.**_

**Alana: AND DON'T EVEN THINK OF PULLING ANY OF THAT**

**AKAGIYAMA MISSILES NONSENSE ON ME EITHER, SWEETHEART!**

**Seiji (to himself): Oh wow..it's my favorite fantasy -- two**

**girls fighting over me! (Looking at Alana) She's SO cool...**

**Alana (smugly): Whupped HER fat butt.**

_**Without warning, B-Ko streaks through the air, aimed**_

_**straight at Alana.**_

**Cap: LOOK OUT, ALANA!**

**B-ko: BANZAI !**

_**((THUNK!))**_

_**B-Ko has seized Alana by her knee-length hair and has flung**_

_**her into the air. The guests assemble to watch the fray.**_

**Guest #1 (obviously male!): Hey. This isn't too bad!**

**Guest #2 (obviously female!) Wish I could do that!**

**Guest #3 (obviously male!) Fighting women -- my personal**

**favorite!**

**Hikaru: Ayshalita...what IS it with you Cygnans?**

_**Captain steps forward indignantly, pointing an accusing**_

_**finger at B-Ko. The Hope, er Daitokuji, Diamond winks and**_

_**sparkles in the light of the ballroom chandeliers.**_

**Cap: HEY! JUST A MINUTE! BIOSUIT! CHEAT! CHEAT!**

_**Alana gets up off the floor and gets nose-to-nose with her**_

_**stepsister.**_

**Alana: She's right, you creep!**

**B-ko (dramatically): Fine. We'll meet again! (which will be**

**soon since we both live in the same house...)**

**----------**

_**The conductor instructs the orchestra to stop playing so**_

_**that he can make an announcement.**_

**Conductor: HEY EVERYBODY! IT'S MIDNIGHT! HAPPY NEW**

**YEAR!**

_**All of the Cygnans (what did you expect) immediately seize**_

_**the men they're with and kiss them.**_

_**A-Ko is about to kiss Keisama.**_

**Seiji and Alana (thinking): Is it possible to fall in love**

**on the first date?**

**Cap (thinking): You're an oldie but a goodie, Hikaru-Sama.**

_**B-ko is defeated and knows it. She realizes that she looks**_

_**ridiculous in the biosuit, and prepares to leave the party**_

_**in disgrace.**_

**B-ko (to herself): I'm such an idiot. There's no one who**

**could love me. All I know is that I'm tired of being**

**lonely.**

_**Captain turns from Hikaru and looks at her. She would have**_

_**been very happy to be a mother to B-Ko, but had been**_

_**rejected by her too many times over the years.**_

**Cap: Oh, B-Ko.**

_**A handsome, dark-haired young man approaches her.**_

**Kotaru: Excuse me, miss.**

**B-Ko looks up, surprised, her face wet with tears.**

**Kotaru: Pardon me. I'm Kotaru Watanabe. I was just**

**thinking that such a lovely lady shouldn't bring in the New**

**Year with tears. Would you like to dance?**

_**B-Ko delightedly accepts. Captain takes this opportunity to**_

_**corner Alana, who is smirking at this new development.**_

**Alana: That's good. Now she'll leave Seiji alone.**

**Cap: (And what's the story with this Seiji, my baby?)**

**----------**

_**Shot of B-Ko's face as she dances. She is now slightly**_

_**smiling.**_

**B-ko: Hmmmm...he's kind of cute.**

**----------**

_**Shot of the ballroom. The dance floor is full of couples,**_

_**party balloons, and streamers.**_

**Kotaru (to himself): Of course, she's filthy rich...but**

**then again, so am I...**

**B-ko (to herself): Oh yes indeedy. He is DEFINITELY cute.**

**A-ko (also dancing): This is nice, Keisama...a night**

**without the kids.**

**Ayumi-Shirasaka Sensei (to a friend): Ohhh yes we just love**

**married life tee hee hee**

**----------**

_**Suddenly, the sound of exploding fireworks is heard. Everyone runs over to the floor-to-ceiling windows.**_

**Ayumi-Shirasaka Sensei: LOOK! IT'S THE FIREWORKS SHOW!**

_**Shot of four couples, in silhouette, watching the display.**_

**----------**

_**Caption: "A New Year, your own hotel, the Hope -- er,**_

_**Daitokuji -- Diamond, and a ring of armed guards... what**_

_**could be better?"**_

_**Captain, Alana, Seiji, B-Ko, Kotaru, and Hikaru look out**_

_**from the balcony of the Daitokuji Gorgeous Hotel. Of**_

_**course, they are surrounded by guards. Soldiers are**_

_**positioned on various adjacent roofs, ready to take down any**_

_**snipers. It looks like Hikaru called in a few favors with**_

_**Commander Yashida...**_

**----------**

_**The group walks to the limo.**_

**B-ko: So...Father. You know this Watanabe fellow..?**

**Hikaru: Sure. He's a computer genius. He has his own**

**company in Tokyo.**

**Alana (thinking, with a nasty grin): Go for it, B-Ko honey.**

**Cap (thinking, with a nasty grin): Yeah..maybe you can get**

**married and get the hell out of the house...**

**----------**

_**Once they arrive home, Captain turns to Hikaru in order to**_

_**give him one of her "announcements."**_

**Cap (looking coy, shaking her finger): By the way, Hikaru-**

**Sama...I have a very SPECIAL New Year gift for you...**

**Hikaru freezes, his eyes bulging out of their sockets.**

**Hikaru (to himself): Dear God. Not another kid.**

**Cap (expansively): Your very own PLANET!**

_**She leads him over to a massive videoscreen (gee, the**_

_**mansion has everything, doesn't it?) and sits him down in a**_

_**swivel chair.**_

**Cap (dramatically): Observe on the screen...voila!**

_**The ghostly image of a planet suspended in space appears on**_

_**the screen.**_

**Cap (hugging Hikaru around the neck): Well...there's no**

**natural resources or indigenous life. It's really just a ball of rock within the orbit of Tauka Banesh, but it's all yours!**

**Hikaru (delighted): Only an extraterrestrial would come up**

**with a gift idea like this!**

**B-ko (standing beside her father, frowning): Wonder how much**

**that cosmic turd set us back?**

**----------**

_**Caption: "As the evening becomes the wee hours..."**_

_**Shot of the Cygnan girls in Akana's bedroom. All are in**_

_**their nighties, conversing. Akana is pretending to be**_

_**asleep.**_

**Alana: (Yawn!) What a good time I had --- Ma's diamond**

**didn't get stolen, B-Ko danced with a guy who actually**

**didn't think she was a jackass, and she and I got into a**

**GREAT fistfight...but..best of all...I fell in LOVE!**

**Arisa (an old hand at this): I knew it!**

**Akana (muffled): Great. Now TWO of you will be mooning**

**around here and I'll want to slap you silly...(Yawn!)**

**----------**

_**Caption: "It seems that everyone's holiday wishes came**_

_**true!"**_

_**Shot of the entire clan in the living room of the mansion,**_

_**the following morning. D has come for a visit, bringing**_

_**gifts. Captain is wearing an exact reproduction of her old**_

_**Cygnan uniform. She is thrilled, shaking her clenched fists**_

_**and strutting her stuff.**_

**Hikaru: (sigh)**

**Shiiko: Is that what Mama used to look like?**

**Cap: D -- the Hope Diamond was great but this uniform is**

**AWESOME!**

**D (with a shrug, but thrilled that she is thrilled): Captain ... I know how heartbroken you were that your old one had self-destructed, so I had your dressmaker whip this up.**

**Cap: Really takes me back to the OLD DAYS (to the extent I**

**can remember the old days...)!**

_**Akana is checking out her gift...a Cygnan sword and shield.**_

**Akana: You ARE going to teach me how to use this stuff,**

**aren't you, Auntie D?**

_**Atina, Arisa, and Alana are in the foreground.**_

**Atina: I don't think Ma remembers that Commander Maldekai**

**forced her to retire...**

**(To Arisa) Hey, hot shot...where's your engagement ring?**

**Arisa: Up your nose, Pigface. Next year.**

**Alana (her hair in one of those side-swept Cygnan 'dos): Who**

**knows? Maybe two of us will get "engaged" next year...what a nice Earth custom!**

**----------**

_**Akana is having a go with her sword and shield and is**_

_**sparring her way across the room, slashing the air.**_

**Akana: DIE, KIRLIAN PIG!**

**D takes a bit of a risk and tells her Captain what she has**

**heard about the Hope Diamond.**

**D: Captain...I read that there's some sort of curse**

**associated with your new diamond..some sort of bad luck.**

**Cap (with the girls hanging onto her): Gee. Thanks for**

**sharing, D.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Later.."**_

_**Captain is in her Vic's nightie, with the diamond still**_

_**around her neck. She looks down upon it, frowning.**_

**Cap (to herself): I'm sure that's just a story. There's**

**nothing to it.**

**Hikaru: Enjoy it tonight, Aysha. Tomorrow it goes into the**

**vault!**

**Cap (definitely to herself, uncomfortable with its size):**

**Stupid thing looks like a pieplate.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "The fun begins the next day at work..."**_

_**Captain, in her CAA uniform, is facing Commander Yashida.**_

_**Their relationship is rivalrous and strained. Unfortunately, he still feels threatened by the aliens and still can't believe she married Daitokuji. Behind them is the massive videoscreen; technicians are seated in front of it, working at their computers.**_

**Yashida: I really have no idea what appropriations are**

**going to look like this year but I think you can count on**

**getting that funding for the Earth Defense Shield system you**

**designed a long time ago. I pushed it with the brass**

**personally.**

_**Captain has her arms crossed, and is clearly not impressed.**_

_**She really doesn't care what Yashida thinks of her; she**_

_**secretly knows that she could reduce his entire military**_

_**machine to powder if she wanted to.**_

**Cap (to herself): ...and my hubby made a few phone calls.**

**Big deal, Tootsie.**

_**The giant screen has ominously begun to creak during their**_

_**conversation. Suddenly, it lets go and begins to fall. The**_

_**two officers are directly in its path.**_

**Tech (wildly, to Captain, forgetting himself): LOOK OUT,**

**SIR --- ER, MA'AM -- (ER, WHATEVER...)**

_**The technicians scatter, but Captain's feet are momentarily**_

_**frozen.**_

**Captain: (Sigh!) It's that 45.5 carat turd, I just know**

**it ---**

**Yashida (grabbing her): MOVE!**

**----------**

_**There is a massive crash. After the dust settles, Yashida**_

_**is revealed, dripping sweat and eyes wide, still holding**_

_**Captain.**_

**Cap (whacking him on the chest with the back of her hand):**

**Uh...yoo hoooo Larry...you can let go of me now...**

**----------**

_**Caption: "And the hits just keep on coming!"**_

_**Captain is on her way to her limo when she is set upon by**_

_**two thugs.**_

**Thug #1: GIVE US YOUR MONEY, LADY!**

_**She simultaneously belts them both in their faces.**_

**Cap: HOWZABOUT THIS INSTEAD, LOSER?**

**Thug #2: ((Lady..?))**

**----------**

_**Later that night, she has the opportunity to relax on the**_

_**couch with Hikaru. She is still upset at the day's**_

_**disturbing events. Akana is still racing around the room**_

_**swinging her Cygnan sword. Kazushi is standing on her head**_

_**and rolling off the couch.**_

**Akana: DIE, EARTH PIG!**

**Hikaru (nearly weeping): I absolutely cannot believe**

**it...! Napolipolita-Daitokuji Financial Group stock**

**dropped TEN POINTS today...I HATE LOSING MILLIONS!**

**Captain (patting his chest and thinking): Okay, diamond,**

**out you go.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Captain carrying Azia and Aria to bed. She has one**_

_**under each arm; this is great fun for all concerned.**_

**Cap (to herself): But how to get rid of it without hurting**

**Hikaru's feelings? (To her babies) Come on, wigglies...**

**----------**

_**Caption: "The next day, in a law office across Graviton**_

_**City..."**_

_**Mari is holding Rose, who is pulling her mother's hair and**_

_**otherwise "acting out". Mari is weeping into a hanky and telling the lawyer her tale of woe.**_

**Mari: Mr. Mori, my little girl has been absolutely TRAUMATIZED by her hideous experiences at the hands of those teenage hoodlums! She has nightmares and her behavior isn't what it should be. N.B. Mari fails to mention that Rose's behavior has been that way since**

**birth... AND...their awful MOTHER had the nerve to PHYSICALLY ASSAULT ME after I protested my baby's terrible treatment!**

**Mori: Well, Mrs. Azawa, it sounds like you have an**

**excellent civil case for battery, negligence, and**

**intentional infliction of emotional distress. What did you say the defendant's...er, the mother's, name was?**

**Mari (spitting out the word): DAITOKUJI !**

**Mori (thinking): NOT the gal who saved the planet ---- !**

**Ohhh boy. Just my luck. Well, might as well shake the**

**Daitokuji money tree and see what flutters to the ground.**

**I'll call their law firm now.**

**----------**

**Receptionist: Good morning. Dewey, Cheatham, and Howe.**

**Mori: Ataru Yamaguchi, please.**

**----------**

**Yamaguchi (angry): WHAT a coincidence. Mrs. Daitokuji is**

**right here in my office on a corporate matter. Let me put**

**you on the speaker (you low-life ambulance chaser)!**

_**Captain is sitting in a leather chair, wearing a mink coat**_

_**and shaking her fist.**_

**Yamaguchi: Mori, you know very well that Mr. Daitokuji NEVER**

**settles lawsuits. He gets so many frivolous ones (like**

**yours) that forcing them to trial makes them go away.**

_**Mori's voice floats from the squawk-box through the air.**_

**Mori: Perhaps he'll make an EXCEPTION as THIS involves his**

**little Cygnan sweetie... you know, the former skid-row DRUNK with a history of EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS. I'm QUITE SURE he wouldn't want her glorious, heroic image TARNISHED by a PUBLIC court case...(so there, you stuffed- shirt shyster!)**

**----------**

_**Caption: "A little while later..."**_

_**Hikaru has appeared on the scene. Captain is bawling in his**_

_**arms.**_

**Hikaru (to the cowering Yamaguchi): WHAT AM I PAYING YOU**

**THAT BIG FAT RETAINER FOR? EITHER THIS PROBLEM GOES AWAY OR YOU DO !**

_**Captain raises her head, showing a strange glint in her eye.**_

**Cap: (Sniff..) I'm just very glad that a corporation is a**

**separate legal entity...**

**Hikaru (to himself): Uh oh... look at those wheels turning!**

**Poor Mari -- ha!**

**Yamaguchi: Why, Mrs. Daitokuji?**

_**She grabs Hikaru by the arm and pulls him toward the office**_

_**door.**_

**Cap (with a new confidence): Just set up that corporation**

**for me, Ataru, AND set up a settlement conference with Mari**

**and her lawyer -- thanks a lot -- come on, sweetie...**

_**She barrels down the hall in her mink, waving her fists and**_

_**laughing.**_

**Cap: HA HA HA HA HA! I'M SO CLEVER, AS B-KO SAYS!**

**Hikaru (left in her dust): Why is this making me nervous?**

**----------**

_**Caption: "A few days and a few phone calls later..."**_

_**The two women and their lawyers are sitting around a**_

_**conference table. Captain is smirking and rubbing her hands together.**_

**Yamaguchi: In order to settle this matter for the sake of**

**convenience only, my client is willing to offer Mrs. Azawa a**

**number of shares in her new Daitokuji Financial Group**

**subsidiary, the Napolikuji Corporation.**

**Mari (loaded for bear): AND WHAT'S SO SPECIAL ABOUT**

**THAT...? DOES IT HAVE THE BOOZE FRANCHISE ON ALPHA CYGNI?**

_**Captain instantly launches herself across the table, her**_

_**long iridescent-green fingernails ready to shred Mari's face**_

_**to ribbons.**_

**Cap: YOU'RE GOING RIGHT THROUGH THE WALL, YOU COW!**

**Mari: GRRRRRRR!**

**Mori: ASSAULT! ASSAULT!**

**Yamaguchi: Oh don't be ridiculous, man. Assaulting your**

**client is like tossing marshmallows at a tank...**

**Mari (egging her on): Want a DRINK, Captain...hee hee!**

**----------**

_**Yamaguchi is sitting perfectly at ease, except he is holding**_

_**struggling Captain, glasses askew, in the crook of his arm. She is determined to claw Mari's eyes out.**_

**Yamaguchi (grinning): AHHHH...LADIES, LADIES! SHALL WE**

**EXERCISE SOME RESTRAINT? Now. Mrs. Daitokuji has decided**

**for tax-planning purposes to convey ownership of the fabulous DAITOKUJI DIAMOND to the new company! Of course,**

**the diamond itself will be on loan to the Graviton City**

**Museum...**

_**Mari is thinking about all of the possibilities. Her face**_

_**is scary but wistful at the same time.**_

**Mari (thinking): Imagine...me (er, Little Rose) part owner**

**of that wonderful gem...(sigh)..**

**Mori (to Mari): Are you willing to dispose of this matter**

**for 1,000 shares (less one-third for me, of course..) of the**

**Napolikuji Corporation?**

**Yamaguchi (clinching it): AND...my client will let your**

**client WEAR it, twice a year!**

**Mari stands up, jubilant: IT'S A DEAL!**

**Cap (smugly, to herself): HA HA YOU GREEDY BARNYARD**

**EXHIBIT!**

**----------**

_**Captain goes home and meets Hikaru in the foyer. She tells**_

_**him what happened.**_

**Hikaru (irate): YOU DID WHAAAAT?**

**Cap: Don't be mad, sweetie. I settled that nasty lawsuit**

**and saved us MILLIONS in taxes...**

**Hikaru (sotto voce): ...saved...MILLIONS...?**

**But...Ayshalita...didn't you like your present? (He gets all pitiful) I don't know...(sniff)...if I'll (sniff)...ever get OVER it...**

_**Captain comes up behind him and puts her hands on his**_

_**drooping shoulders.**_

**Cap: I LOVE it and I'll still get to wear it (now and**

**then)...(Suddenly inspired) Hey, Hikaru-Sama...let's ditch**

**the kids and go to Tahiti for a week! (Now tapping his nose**

**with her long, green-lacquered fingernail and whispering in**

**his ear) And BESIDES...you won't have to worry about that**

**shyster taking me apart in public OR somebody shooting me**

**through the head to get their hands on that pieplate, er,**

**DIAMOND...**

**Hikaru (in a state of bliss): This IS a rare treat! She**

**NEVER wants to leave the kids behind...**

_**She loops her arms around his neck and gazes in his**_

_**eyes...Hikaru isn't the only one in the house who can turn**_

_**on the charm.**_

**Cap: ISN'T THIS JUST WONDERFUL? Aren't you glad I DID all**

**this...? (And, to take the biscuit, the new subsidiary now**

**owns that unlucky chunk of carbon instead of me -- and Mari**

**owns part of the subsidiary -- and so does her slimeball**

**lawyer --! Happy New Year, Mari-chan!)**

**(To Hikaru) Come on, dollface, let's take the jet.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Arisa, Alana, and B-Ko heading out the Mansion's**_

_**front door later that evening. Atina is left behind, shaking**_

_**with hurt and anger. Their parents are off smooching in a**_

_**corner.**_

**Arisa: GEE THANKS, ATINA. I'D HELP YOU BABYSIT, BUT I HAVE A DATE...**

**Alana: So do I...**

**B-ko: And so do I.**

**Cap (still in a clench in the corner, speaking in one**

**breath): Now girls Mummy and Daddy will be at the Tahiti**

**Compound you know the number the nanny will take care of the**

**twins but I'm sure you can handle the other girls bye bye**

**see you in a week OHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH FREE AT LAST!**

**----------**

_**Caption: "A few blissful days later..."**_

_**Captain and Hikaru are relaxing on the beach of their own**_

_**private island. She is talking to D on her remote phone.**_

**D: Captain...greetings. Your kids are fine, but you wouldn't**

**BELIEVE what's happened HERE... Mari's car was stolen last night, Rose flunked kindergarten, and that lawyer of hers is in hot water with the Board of Bar Overseers...the rumor is embezzlement of client**

**funds..!**

**Cap (barely able to contain herself): Ooh. D. Isn't that**

**unfortunate. (To herself) CRY ME A RIVER!**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Atina feels used and abused.."**_

_**Atina is sitting on the couch with little Kazushi.**_

**Kazushi (not sure of Atina's mood): Mad at Kazushi?**

**Atina (hugging her): No, sweetie..I'm just sad because I'm**

**lonesome. Maybe I'll call some friends to come over.**

**----------**

_**Shot of Atina opening the mansion's massive front doors.**_

_**Outside is a group of her friends, along with dozens and**_

_**dozens of other teenagers, most of them holding bottles of**_

_**booze.**_

**Teen #1: Hi Atina!**

**Teen #2: Wow! This house is cool!**

**Teen #3: LET'S PARTY!**

**Teen #4: It's Bring Your Own Booze, right?**

**Atina (to herself): Gee...word must have gotten out. I**

**don't know half of these kids. Oh well..don't want to be**

**rude ---**

**----------**

_**Within an hour the entire lower floor of the mansion is**_

_**filled with partying kids. There is plenty of alcohol and**_

_**loud, loud music!**_

**Teen #5: HER FOLKS ARE AWAY!**

**Alana and Seiji enter the house.**

**Alana: Hey Atina...I didn't know we were having a party!**

**Atina: Neither did I...**

**Alana: Let me call my War College pals...not to mention my**

**Cygnan friends...**

_**Arisa and Akira have also just arrived and quickly scope out**_

_**the situation.**_

**Akira: Arisa -- let's call some classmates!**

**Arisa: From BOTH high schools!**

**----------**

_**About half an hour later, the front doors swing open, and a**_

_**horde of beautiful Cygnans make themselves at home.**_

**Alana: Hi everybody come right on in...**

**Cygnan: We're here...now you can start the party!**

**Teen guy (shouting to his friends): Hey guys...the Cygnans**

**have landed! (Oh boy oh boy oh boy...)**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Now for a flashback to yesterday, on lovely Tahiti-**_

_**-"**_

_**Hikaru and Captain are walking down the village road, taking**_

_**in the sights. Unfortunately, one is a young woman with**_

_**twins held in a basket lashed to her back.**_

**Hikaru: Are you all right, Aysha?**

**Cap: TERRIFIC. COULDN'T BE BETTER (sniff) (sniff)**

**----------**

_**Shot of the wild party scene back at the Napolipolita-**_

_**Daitokuji Mansion. Two Cygnans are fighting over a handsome**_

_**young man.**_

**Man (his delight turning to a vague unease): Hey, girls,**

**take it easy!**

_**There are similar activities taking place all over the room.**_

_**The Earth girls are not amused at having their dates**_

_**snatched by the Cygnans, whose minimal clothing and**_

_**glittering jewelry certainly catch male eyes. To make**_

_**matters even more unpredictable, most of them are drunk on**_

_**the same Cygnan popskull Captain used to chugalug.**_

**Arisa (getting a little nervous): Uh...sis. Things are**

**getting a little crazy, don't you think?**

**Alana (solemn): It's always a bloodbath when Cygnans fight**

**Earth women for men...not to mention Cygnan versus Cygnan...**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Unfortunately for the girls, the very night**_

_**before..."**_

**Shot of the sleeping Daitokujis in their Tahitian getaway.**

**Cap: Sniff! Sniff! SNIFF!**

**Hikaru: Z-Z-Z-Z-Z Wha...what's the matter Aysha...?**

_**She wails in his arms.**_

**Cap: BOO HOO HOO I MISS MY BABIES**

**Hikaru: (Sigh..) So do I.**

_**They walk out to the dark beach.**_

**Cap: IT'S TOO QUIET I CAN'T STAND IT**

**Hikaru: We'll fly home tomorrow.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Meanwhile, back in good ol' Graviton City..."**_

_**The party has gotten completely out of hand. Drunken**_

_**Cygnans are grabbing young men right and left. Alana,**_

_**Seiji, Kotaru, and B-Ko are in the kitchen. A very drunk**_

_**couple -- an Earthling and a Cygnan -- stagger past.**_

**Earth guy: ANYONE (HIC) FOR A DIP IN THE INDOOR POOL?**

**Cygnan (her eyes crossed): Grrrrrrreat Mother...(HIC)**

**B-ko (in Kotaru's arms): These Cygnans certainly know how**

**to party...**

**Akira: Your parents would DIE if they saw this mess.**

**Arisa (smugly): They're not due home for two more days!**

**----------**

_**Shot of --- you guessed it --- the limo pulling up to the**_

_**front door. Hikaru and Captain immediately notice the**_

_**broken windows and the young man puking in the rosebushes.**_

_**They walk into the house.**_

**Daitokujis (their facial expressions make them look like**

**Demons from the Pit): YAAAAAAAH!**

**Everybody: GREAT MOTHER! RUN!**

_**As Aysha and Hikaru enter the foyer, dozens of teenagers**_

_**trip and fall over each other in their eagerness to get the**_

_**hell out of there. Even more are running, screaming. There**_

_**are empty bottles everywhere.**_

**Cap (hands clenched in her hair, shrieking): LOOK AT ALL**

**THIS BOOZE! WHAT WILL MY AA FRIENDS SAY...?**

**Hikaru (racing across the room, eyes wild and hair**

**disheveled, ready to snatch B-Ko by her hair):**

**B-KO! WHAT IS THE MEANING OF THIS?**

**Bko (in a typical move, yes?): IT WAS -- THOSE --CYGNANS!**

**Alana (outraged, her fists clenched): RAT !**

_**People are tripping, puking, and trying to get to the doors.**_

**Arisa (running): GREAT MOTHER, SAVE ME FROM THIS AND I'LL NEVER ASK YOU FOR ANOTHER THING AS LONG AS I LIVE!**

**-----------**

_**Captain and Hikaru chase the three girls down the corridor.**_

**Cap (running): I HAVEN'T BEEN THIS MAD SINCE YOUR DAD SHOT DOWN MY SPACESHIP!**

**Hikaru (running): aw sweetie that's ancient history COME**

**BACK HERE, B-KO!**

**B-ko (running): ALANA, YOU SPACE SHOT! THIS IS ALL YOUR**

**FAULT!**

**Alana (running): KISS MY BUTT!**

**Arisa (running): EEEEEYAHHHH!**

**----------**

_**Captain is now focusing her pursuit on Alana. Unfortunately**_

_**for Alana, her mother's legs are slightly longer than hers.**_

**Alana (running, Captain in hot pursuit only inches from her**

**extremely long hair): Ordinarily, outrunning your mama**

**isn't really a problem... (Captain launches herself into**

**the air) ... unless, of course, your mama is turbo-charged**

**with high-test, white-hot Cygnan RAGE...!**

_**Captain tackles "Daughter #2". However, she only holds her**_

_**by her earlobe and shakes her finger at her.**_

**Cap (teeth bared): NAUGHTY.**

**Alana: Fortunately, her bark is far worse than her bite!**

**----------**

_**The Napolipolita-Daitokuji children have isolated their**_

_**parents in the kitchen. Both are steaming mad. It's suck-up**_

_**time at the mansion!**_

**Atina: We're really, really glad to see you. REALLY.**

**Bko: We'll have the servants clean up this mess right away**

**and pay for any damage from the pettty cash fund, Father**

**Dear...**

_**Shiiko, Kazushi, and Mitsuko, who were put to bed hours ago**_

_**but hadn't slept a wink (no duuuuh) lovingly climb all over**_

_**their parents, happy that they are home at last.**_

**Alana (kissing her mother's face): Just don't ground us.**

_**Arisa enters the room, holding Aria and Azia. She knows**_

_**Captain's weak spots. The babies are squealing and**_

_**pinwheeling their arms with delight at the sight of their**_

_**parents.**_

**Arisa: Just look here, Ma! Here's your wiggly babies!**

**(ALANA SHUT UP)**

**----------**

_**In the meantime, the last of the "guests" are straggling out**_

_**the front doors.**_

**Alana: Uh...bye everyone.**

**Bedraggled Cygnan: Just delightful, Alana..**

**Teenage Boy (to his extremely drunk Cygnan companion): Her**

**mom scared me to death.**

**Drunken Cygnan (her hand over her mouth): Gonna barf.**

**Cygnan with Heavy Eyeshadow: I've been thrown out of WORSE**

**places in the galaxy...**

**Teenage Boy #2: I almost had a heart attack!**

_**Arisa is in Akira's arms. She is shaken but relieved.**_

**Akira: Those babies saved us from certain death! Good**

**move!**

**Arisa: They sure did. Glad Ma didn't come after ME...**

**----------**

_**Hikaru and Captain are in their twins' nursery. There is a**_

_**lovely hand-carved Victorian-type baby bed ready to receive**_

_**them. Its carvings include pictures of their parents in**_

_**ancient Greek garb, and pictures of Aria and Azia as**_

_**cherubs. Of course, Shiiko, Mitsuko, and Kazushi are also**_

_**vying for their parents' attention.**_

**Cap (kissing her baby): Azialita. Time for bed.**

**Hikaru (holding Aria, who is being adorable): I think they**

**want to come with us...**

**Mitsuko: Can we come as well?**

**Shiiko: We were LONELY for you--**

**Kazushi (jumping up and down): I'm a baby too.**

**----------**

_**Caption: "Happily, the storm clouds pass without a single**_

_**drop of rain..."**_

_**The Napolipolita-Daitokuji bed is certainly full to capacity**_

_**tonight. Parents and children are asleep; each has his or**_

_**her own dreams.**_

**Hikaru: zzzzz$zzzzz**

**Cap: zzzzzzhappyzzzzz**

**Azia: zzzzzmilkzzzzzz**

**Shiiko: zzzzzmamazzzz**

**Kazushi: zzzzzthumbzzzzz**

**Mitsuko: zzzzmamazzzz**

**Aria: zzzzmilkzzzz**

_**Standing beside them are B-Ko and Alana.**_

**Bko: Whew! I'm sorry I had to blame the party on an alien**

**invasion. I'll make it up to you.**

**Alana (to herself): You may have landed a man but you still**

**stink.**

**----------**

_**Shot of a cocktail party attended by Yashida, Yamaguchi,**_

_**Hikaru, and Captain.**_

**Yashida: Glad to have you back, Aysha.**

**Yamaguchi: Mr. Daitokuji, she has a real knack for**

**corporate planning...you ought to send her to law school!**

**Cap (to Hikaru's amusement): Not a chance. I'm career**

**military...I prefer to be up front when I'm shafting**

**somebody!**

**----------**

_**Shot of the mansion living room. As usual, it is loaded with**_

_**people. Captain is holding Kazushi on her hip and is talking**_

_**on the phone. She has granted yet another interview.**_

**Cap: People magazine...? Hi...well. Since I spent my entire**

**life on spaceships, going up in the Heraklion was nothing**

**new. Yes, there was a danger from asteroid fragments..if**

**they had pierced my hull it would have been sayonara...**

_**Hikaru is carrying the twins and contemplating his next move**_

_**as a retiree.**_

**Hikaru: Maybe I should drop astronomy and take up chess.**

_**D, Shiiko, and Mitsuko are sitting together in an**_

_**overstuffed chair. Shiiko is holding a doll (Barbie-size) of**_

_**her mother in her Central Astro Agency uniform; complete**_

_**right to the little Cygnan shades. Mitsuko is waving a book**_

_**with Captain's picture on the cover.**_

**Shiiko: Thank you, Auntie D -- I love my new "Asteroid**

**Hunter" doll!**

**Mitsuko: Look -- a "Mama" coloring book!**

**D (to herself, her mind wandering): I hope Mari doesn't have**

**another auto accident.**

_**Atina is also thinking.**_

**Atina: If B-Ko can get a guy, so can I!**

_**Akira and Arisa are having a conversation.**_

**Akira: Let's get married right after graduation!**

**Arisa: Hmmm..**

**Seiji: Do you think your War College friends will forgive**

**you for getting thrown out of here the other night?**

**Alana (laughing): They'd better, if they want that all-**

**expenses-paid class trip to Tahiti this Spring!**

**Akana (wielding her scimitar): A good Cygnan sword is**

**better than a stupid BOY any day!**

**----------**

_**Caption: "And so we conclude the happy holiday season in**_

_**Graviton City with a nice ride in the Napolipolita-Daitokuji**_

_**Holly Wreath Special Limited Edition Nuclear-Powered**_

_**Sleigh!"**_

_**Shot of a sleighful of people about half a mile above the**_

_**Bay. Most are screaming. Captain is feeling her oats,**_

_**dressed in her new Cygnan uniform and wearing the Hope...er,**_

_**Daitokuji... Diamond. Hikaru is hanging onto her waist, bug-eyed. Shiiko and Mitsuko cling to her leg.**_

**Cap: YEEEEEEHAAAAAAAA!**

_**Atina is holding Azia and Aria. She is hollering for her**_

_**mother to stop.**_

**Babies (delighted): EEEEEEEEEE!**

**Hideo (to D): I told you that your friend was crazy!**

**D: SLOW DOWN, MY CAPTAIN! (She's crazy but she's my best**

**friend so shut up)**

**Kei (hanging onto A-Ko for dear life): BOO HOO!**

**Ako: (Will you just suck it up, Keisama...)**

_**Akira and Arisa are holding each other, screaming.**_

**Mari (holding onto the shrieking "Little Rose"): I PROMISE**

**NEVER TO PUNCH YOU AGAIN!**

**Yashida (clinging to the back of the sleigh; his legs are**

**suspended in space): DIRECTOR-GENERAL ND! I ORDER**

**YOU TO TAKE US DOWN!**

**Bko: With all of the lovely women on Earth to choose from,**

**my father had to pick a whacked-out alien!**

**Kazushi (clinging to Captain's other leg):**

**MAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!**

**Alana: MA! YOU'RE APPROACHING WARP SPEED! Great**

**Mother pull the throttle!**

**Akana (enjoying every second of it): THIS IS GREAT!**

**THE END **

_**Wowee! Want to go to an all-female planet, where men are**_

_**considered an inferior subspecies? In "Carry Me Back to Alpha Cygni", you'll get your chance! Captain builds a new ship and**_

_**transports the whole clan to her home planet. Will the men**_

_**survive the trip, let alone the hospitality? What secret**_

_**will D and Mari discover? Will Hikaru get yet another "very**_

_**special gift"? Abandon hope, all ye who enter here!**_


End file.
